Just noticed I haven't posted since September 24. SEPTEMBER! That is craaaaazzzzzzzzzy. Thankfully it's not a big deal because nobody reads it so I wasn't letting anyone down and I don't particularly care atm.

So this post stems from my need to procrastinate writing up my Ethics Assignment. Wait, I'll check the word count....

right, so as of now I have 516 words. It needs to be 2000 words long BUT I haven't addressed HALF the dot points I need to. I've only written up the Introduction and the legislations re: Euthanasia in Australia and Netherlands. It should be like 300 words max right now. yeesh!

Hellllloooo all-nighter.

um, life's been pretty swell. yeah, I said swell. I got a free YEN magazine in the mail, kudos to Australia Post. I have lovely friends from school AND uni. I've been not dying of complete boredom. I also haven't been studying much but something's gotta give, right? lol.

uhh, should get back to assignment writing soon but here's a picture from Arnav's 19th Darling Harbour outing-wandering things.

This is going to be another 'stream of consciousness' posts. And it will be long. It's serious so I need to move to my bed....

So talking to my friend on the phone, I suddenly realised the gravity of people liking people. The complexity of relationships, the mess it can be when things don't work out. I don't think I ever really understood it until today. I still don't entirely having never been through anything like it but I think I am now much more aware of what it is.

God, I'm not even making sense. I have a headache from all that thinking but everyone keeps telling me that I don't want this. They say, "It's not worth it" but I want it. I want to feel. It sounds so intense.

All this time, I always thought the things they show in movies, the stuff they write songs and books about, I thought people very being melodramatic. Or they were excercising their poetic license.

Apparently not. I realised, today, that it actually does feel so bad. It's not something you can move on from. It can consume your life. It can hurt. It's painful and complex. When people stay in bed for days on end, when they cry a lot. I dunno, I can't describe it.

And then I felt so sad that I've never felt anything like this. Ever. I've never really LIKED anyone. and then thought, maybe when you do really like someone, it IS obvious. Maybe you DO just KNOW. And I don't know how that feels because I haven't felt it.

And people go through heartbreak. Apparently it is an actual, physical pain. I hear it feels like you've lost a piece of yourself.

It's just too deep, to profound for me to fathom right now.

I want to lie in bed and cry. I don't know why.

But I do know I want to experience this sort of emotion in my life. I want to reeeaally love someone.

Another DM resulted in the discussion about goals. and dreams. How I have neither.

I'm told you just feel it one day and then you nurture that dream and grow it, build on it and make it a passion. But right now, I sit and wait for my dream to make itself known.

My head really hurts.

My heart doesn't.

I am so confused. So speechless and shocked.

Rawwwwwwr.

Today has been SO unproductive, it's not even amusing.

I woke (was woken)  up at 9.30am , possibly earlier, then decided to watch some Scrubs pre-study. BAD IDEA.

One of the episode had Matthew Perry as a guest, so I thought it would be a good time to watch a few epsiodes of FRIENDS.

It was 2.20pm, showered, picked up sister from school.

Looked at this week's TIME magazine. A mildly interesting article on Handwriting and Top 10 Summer Movies (or something).

Started some study, then because Vrinda was on the computer, checked Gmail, Hotmail, Facebook and a few blogs quickly.

Some study...dinner time... a little more study....procrastination nation on the laptop.

So I figured, may as well call it a day and blog about it.

I also stalked Rosianna (missxrojas) on Facebook, read a few blogs, googled NEW blogs on Med Students, read a bit of the Wikipedia article on Diabetic Ketoacidosis, looked at Charlie/Rosi's tweets, looked at Taylor Swift's tweets, thought I'd paint my fingernails black, painted 2 of them then decided against it.... txted HWJ*, complained about Biochemistry on Facebook, scanned renal histology notes for Albie then emailed them to him. Got a bit stressed, listened to Triple M and am now listening to Classical Music. Tchaikovsky  I think.

Arrrgh.

I've gone through about 3 lectures today. Goal was 18!! 2 days till the exam. I am TOAST** so now I will turn the blasted internet off, and get cracking. Atleast get it down to 25 lectures for tomorrow.

Fuck. I always dig myself into a giant grave.

(I also obsessed about Caitlin Shearer a bit, then upon discovering she was from NSW got fairly excited. Stalked her Flickr. This is my life)


* then waited for him to txt back, got frustrated cuz he didn'treply back (immediately), regretted txting him. Should probably txt him now cuz it's his birthday. I'm lame, I'm quite aware of that....I hope nobody I know from Uni is reading this. lol
**speaking of which, I also ate a LOT today. 2 slices of toast, popcorn, banana, tea, chewing gum, 2 biscuits, nutella, banana bread, 2 spinach/ricotta cannolinis, 1.5 bread roll with veges, ricotta cheese balls, fish oil tablet, and some multivitamin.

kk, STUDY TIME (more crappy food)

(Oooh, it was raining with thunder/lightning in the evening. THAT was exciting!)

Those lyrics (Sleep- Azure Ray) most certainly DO NOT apply to me because yesterday, after coming home from Uni around 1pm-ish, I talked to Yodi for 2hours 10mins, procrastinated, ate and then went to bed with intentions on taking a 2 hour nap. This happened at 5.30pm. Alarm went off 7.30pm but I didn't get up until 7AM this morning. 

I'm not sure what else I can say about that.

The sky is grey, the ground- wet but I like it. I enjoy being snuggled in a hoodie, being cozy inside as it drizzles outside.

Today I will be meeting up with Poopie for lunch. Glebe- again :) and trying to study for the End of Course Exam on the 10th. Oh joy!

Here's a picture of me, I Poladroided  it:

Soooo, I haven't blogged in a long long time but I haven't really been too bothered about that because
a) Nobody reads this thing
b) It's nice to just live life, NOT worrying about documenting every single freaking detail. Infact I think starting from my brithday/next year, I might just start using a normal paper journal and use this to comment/communities and poossibly mission101. I dunno...

Butu yeah, life's been pretty good. I haven't been feeling shit like last semester. Haven't had any major mood swings. Parents fight but heck, I've given up trying to say/do anything when they do apart from listening when they complain about each other. Haven't really cried much either and you know how I've written about the occassional "good days", well, these past few weeks pretty much ALL days have been good days. I like having something to smile about and I LOVE people, being surrounded by different people and having the opportunity to have so many friends.

Gosh, I'm loving life right now and I'm hoping this phase of my life is semi-permanent cuz I like it :)

Today I:

- Woke up at 7.15am, left the house at 8.10am yet still managed not to be late to lectures. That's impressive considering I walked to the station, got a train AND then got a bus.
- Felt sleepy in lectures but hey, what's new?
- Finished at 11am, hung on the Lib Lawn with Yodi. Chatted about life/boys/work/study.
- Met up with Khoo at 12-ish. Walked around Broadway, Gloria Jeans coffe and talked a bit more about love/life/boys/girls/friendships etc.
- Bookshopping which made me feel sad because there are SO many book that I'd love to read but clearly, not enough time. Then I thought, why the hell do I reread books? I don't have time like that.

So the books I bought today:

- The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (wanted to read this for a while now, I finally can!)
- The Outsider by Albert Camus
- Point Counter Point by Alduos Huxley ( I couldn't remember who wrote Brave New World and I really wanted to get Crome Yellow so after much mind-jumbling, I decided to ask the lady at the counter. She couldn't remember either BUT as soon as I asked I remembered it was Huxley. Oh life!)
- A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce (this will probably be a present for HWJ)

And even though I haven't started reading them yet, I feel all intellectual and smart for owning these.

Another thought, I think another reason why I haven't really blogged is because previously, meeting up with people was an occassional thing thus warranted documentation but now it's fairly regular. Still just as fun but less pathetic because the need to write about it have gone.

Some things to look forward to:
- Lunching with Poops on Friday, somewhere in Glebe. I like Glebe :)
- PIzza Hutting with Cherie and co. on Monday, still not positive I'm going but probably will.
- Great movies coming out soon
- Aaron's birthday picnic thing, maybe going
- Hanging with HWJ after EOC Exam
- 3 day weekend, it's not long but it'll suffice

Some not so exciting things:
- Assignment results. God I wish I don't get a P- although I feel like I'd deserve it for handing in the SHITTIEST assignment
- EOC Exam= study= procrastination=guilt=baaaaaaaad

Since this was fun, I'll probably blog about Medball next :)

EDIT: I also watched Talking 'Bout Your Generation tonight and it was brilliant. Dress ups, Joshes, witty remarks = <3

I haven't posted in what feels like an AGE. And the sad thing is, I always seem to start off like this.

Anyhow, life's been good for the most part. I feel like the whole friendship thing is going well and I seem to be studying a TINY bit more than last course (which isn;t that much anyway, just goes to show how little I studied last course!).

Um, as usual, I probably should be working but meh. I've started listening to the radio again (instead of my iPod because I actually like the music on my iPod, meaning I'm more likely to get distracted/sing along). The music on the radio is very bad and SO repetitive, surely there are more artists out there than Pink, Beyonce, Jordin Sparks, Ricki Lee and the other select few (lame) artists they choose to put on. I get really excited when they put something half-decent on.

Annd, LX moved to USA yesterday to study Architechture at UC Berkeley which I think is amazingly cool. Talked to Krasni briefly on FB chat and I still adore that girl. Went to USyd on Friday and met up with Merry and SWK, it was really nice, just hanging and catching up. Would've said hi to Poopie but she left her phone at home! Called Deeksha on Thursday but the line was busy :(

Uni friends things is better too. Yodi and I have gotten pretty close and apparently we're twins so that works out well! Apparently NJM and I had a sortof a thing but nothing's happened so meh. Miss HWJ's company but what can you do?! He seems to be going through some relationship issues but I hope it'll all work out. TG went back to Adelaide cuz he's deferring this Sem. And gosh! I realise this has turned into an update on my friends' lives.

Made a new Nerdfighter friend- NK.  It's all good!

In other news, took my first patient history on Thursday. I was very nervous initially and blanked as I started but then got into the flow. The patients have been really nice so far, and I'm hoping with practise, I'll get better at it. I did almost faint at onbe point though, which wasn't fun at all but I'm putting it down to dehydration and consequent hypotension.

What else? I've been spending less time on YouTube which is surely a good thing and people seem to be blogging less, forcing me to consider working. Hehe.

Ooh. NK lent me Paris Je T'aime, MirrorMask and Amelie. Amelie didn't work but the other movies were both very good. MirrorMask was very artsy and kindda trippy but cool. Paris Je T'aime consisted of lots of vignettes based in different regions of Paris with an underlying theme of love. Some were absolutely BEAUTIFUL and moved me to tears, others were not so great but the overall sense was positive. The ending could've been better as I felt it was incomplete and didn't do the rest of the movie justice. Anyhow, I really hope to travel to France one day!

Oh and on Friday, I got all nostalgic and watched videos from YEARS ago. One was a school function from kindergarten. 1995! I was only 4 years and 3 months old! I was surprised by how many name I remembered but found it hard to believe that I used to be so small. Then I watched the video from my 5th birthday, complete with candy floss, rides and monkeys! LOL <333 And I also watched Aladdin on Saturday, Aladdin is hot!

I think that's all for now except I finished watching Scrubs. Finally! It was pretty good and I'm glad JD/Elliot ended up together XD

Have I mentioned that I watched HBP for the second time? I went with Poopie and it's still good. I really need to write a reactions post eventually.

k, I hope to update more frequently.

Books I've read recently:
The Messenger- Markus Zusak
After January- Nick Earls
The Namesake- Jhumpa Lahiri
The Umbrella Man: Short story anthology- Roald Dahl
The Polysyllabic Spree- Nick Hornby ( well half of it, had to return them today)

You can't carry it with you if you want to survive!

I haven't blogged in such a long time and it was definitely not because of lack of things to talk about, just purely laziness.

I went back to Uni last week and it was so good. I really can't express how lovely the week was, not because exciting things happened but just having routine, structure (the structure still being flexible, lol), seeing everybody after the holidays and sitting in the sun. The weather in Sydney has been beautiful and I've spent many hours on the Library lawn in the past week. I've been trying to convert people to sit there instead of Matthews.

It feels so nice to just sit on the grass, with friends or just by yourself and watch other students walk by. I really enjoy watching people, especially if they're sitting by themselves and reading a book.

Lectures have been good, the BioChem lecturer might even have a following. He's really adorable because he gets excited about Macronutrients. He sounds like Goofy and reminds me of Ross, so a nerdy, likeable person :) The 4 hour breaks, not so enjoyable but c'est le vie!

Second week now, today wasn't so great but let's see what happens tomorrow.

The long gap since I last blogged has certainly made me more or a "reader" as opposed to an active blogger. Whatever, I can't be bothered rambling for any longer but life is good right now.

Ooh, just remembered. Some semi-exciting things:

* Poopie's back from the USA and I'm probably going to meet up with her tomorrow and watch HBP again!
* SWK's back from her holiday, so we can hang and things

I've been having many weird dreams lately. One of them was that a part of my left leg was blacked and withered, and it was caused by the heat from my laptop! I think I was pretty freaked out about it.

The internet makes me lose all my "creative energy" which seems to be at its max when I'm in bed, at around 3am.

Um.

The Pursuit of Happyness is such a sad movie, so so sad. Thank goodness for the happy ending but I started thinking about all the other people out there, who're in similar situations but don't get their happy ending. I mean, life just blows from all of them and here we are, content with out dinner but not grateful enough for our good fortune. It's so unfair, and I really hope I can do something about it in my lifetime.  It's a pity humans are far too selfish for Communism to work :(

The acting was brilliant though! Convincing and real.

I've got a whole bunch of quote highlighted in A Fraction of the Whole which I'll post eventually. Read The Umbrella Man by Roald Dahl, I'd read the stories before but that didn't make them any less interesting (and slightly twisted). Currently reading After January by Nick Earls and A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which, to be perfectly honest, is kindda not gripping. Hopefully it gets better!)

What else? Hmmm, I'm excited about going back to Uni next week :) but disappointed with myself for not completing half the tasks I set for myself these holidays, let's remain optimistic and I'll try and get some stuff done this week.

Oh, and I've been watching lots of interviews with the cast of Harry Potter and am being reminded of why I used to adore Dan Radcliffe! He seems very genuine, and I love his sense of  humour. 3 days this HBP XD

Thankfully, what I experienced were nightmares, and not real.

I dreamt that at Uni, they made us take these new-fangled tests, where you read something and think about it, and some contraption connected to you allows the "markers" to read your thoughts, and they failed you based on if your thoughts were logical or not.

Collegiums A and B did theirs at the same time, and around 4 people fail each time. (It was conducted after Semester 1) I failed, and somehow Poh (from MasterChef) was there too, and she also failed. But she didn't want us to fail so she bought flowers so it seeed like we passed (I think everyone who passed got flowers or something...)

Anyway, the point is, I was bordering on weepy in the dream, and I realised how dreadful it would be to fail now. How difficult it would be to try and get in again. How I really do enjoy my course, and want to become a doctor! I remember thinking (in my dream) "What will I do now?"

It was terrifying.

I had another dream about being invited to AK birthday shindig (I highly doubt I would be invited IRL, ever) and it was a last mintue invite, so I gave her a hoodie out of my closet. Oh dear! And she liked it, apparently, her mum also gave her a hoodie. Odd.

I have no idea why I was at AK's home, even in my dream.

In other news, I went to the library today after a VERY long time :) Sad thing is, Strathfield Library sucks. No joke. I enquired about a few books, could be considered "classics", and they didn't have them!! They didn't have The Bell Jar- Sylvia Plath, Chrome Yellow- Aldous Huxley, Ulysses - James Joyce, Perfume, Infinite Jest- David Foster Wallace and a few others too.

How do they expect us to read "good" books when all they have on shelves are the frivolous kind. And I'm not being pretencious or superior, I like frivolity as much as the next person, but as I grow older, I want to achieve a balance and learn, and experience good writing.

Sigh.

Parents can make you feel like crap, and sometimes, you can't say anything back because it's all true. And in all honesty, you already know what they're telling you, but it's too hard to express/admit.

Sigh

Apparently one social activity a WEEK is more than enough during the holidays. This I disagree with but arghhh....

Another reason why I like semester time better.